- The Church is regarded a place of worship; a place where Christians come together to worship God, and to fulfil the part of the Scriptures which says believers should fellowship together.
There’s another school of thought which believes the Church not to be the church building, but the believers who come together as a body.
Every which way, the heart still remains the temple of the spirit of God. This does not rule out the fact that our God is ubiquitous.
Meanwhile, there are a lot of things attainable in the Church in our contemporary world.
In this article, we’ll tell you about 10 types of churchgoers. One of such is the ‘make dem no say I no come’ geng.
Grab your popcorn and soda as you join us on this smooth ride…
1. The Pastor’s Puppet: Those who fall in this category are usually girls or ladies as the case may be. They are usually tied to the Church Pastor and many at times visit his family after church service or any other time when there’s no church service. They are usually reprimanded by the Pastor when they go wrong, but these ones are so free with him. They relate with him unlike the regular church member would do. In fact, sometimes you think they are friends of the same age. They have no choice but to show up for all church activities whether it’s convenient for them or not as the Pastor will always query their absence.
2. The Fashionistas: The Fashionistas as the name suggests, are all about Fashion. They are usually in vogue, hence, you see them wearing what’s trending or reigning in town.
They never slack! Awón slay king and slay queen. Their main purpose of attending church services is to flaunt their new designer shoes, bags, tops and co. Many of them can go any length to get the latest wears in a bid to impress their church members, some even go as far as borrowing designers just to maintain their position as the most fashionable in the church.
I once heard someone say he ceased to be a member of the Choir because they usually wore the Choir robe every Sunday, and he never got the opportunity to show off his latest Gucci/Louis Vinton clothes.
You can imagine what he’s up too!
3. The Workforce: Yes, these are the church workers. You can as well call this set of individuals the children of Zion. These guys put God first before anything in their life. They’re the life wire of the church as their services keep the church running.
The funny thing about this category is that most of them don’t pay offering, but they do God’s work dedicatedly.
It might interest you to know that a few of the individuals that fall in this category do not really have a solid relationship with God. Although some of them do. Probably they believe their commitment to God’s work would fetch then His compassion. They’re utterly deceiving themselves.
4. The Single and desperate: Many people fall in this category. Just last Sunday, Brother Dave was seen with Sister Sarah, he was definitely pleading her hand in marriage, everyone knows him for that. He has asked virtually all the ladies in our church out.
The people in this category are desperately searching for a partner. Many of the ladies amongst them are old already and there’s no suitor. Many of them come to church all in a bid to find a wife/husband.
They’re not a member of a particular Assembly, rather, they move from one church to another in search of a partner. You find the guys in this category in students’ church on campuses to look for chics.
5. The Oppressors: These are the business owners, CEOs and contractors that are making it big in life. From their lifestyle to their dressing, even to their manner of approach, they make the hustling ones feel like crap. They show off their wealth in every slight opportunity they find. By implication, they’re merely oppressing their other church members.
6. The Latecomers: These ones are usually deliberate about getting to church late, they come to church whenever they deem fit. All the days of their life, they come in late, especially when the Pastor is almost done preaching. Guess where many of them go upon arrival… The front! The ladies amongst them would walk majestically with their heels to the front, distracting the service. On the other hand, some of them disobey the Ushers and refuse to sit where they’re asked to. They choose where they prefer. It has now become the order of the day. Most of them attend the Thanksgiving service just to come and dance or just to give their tithe and offering. They’re not believers per say.
7. Tithe Payers: Ahah! I’ve been waiting for this all along. There are the humble ones, and there are the proud ones too.
The humble ones amongst them pay their tithes and leave; no strings attached! The proud ones on the other hand always want to be recognized as huge tithe Payers. Many at times, they usually pledge to support church projects openly. In fact, in some churches, they have their own seats at the front. God help our lives oooooo
8. Spirikokos: This is the ‘skarabosh’ geng. They are usually praying in tongues. Meanwhile, many of them have their secret sins! You can image. Oh! My, I just remembered the despicable things I heard Ronke, our Choir coordinator did. She’s still the one that comes to the Choir rehearsals and asks if we’ve purified ourselves. How people pretend!
Well, not all individuals that fall in this category are the same. We have the totally spiritual ones, they don’t do stuffs. In fact, they’re JJCs. You’ll often see the ladies amongst them wearing the ‘Mary Amaka’ kind of dress. They attend all programmes at church; from Sunday service to Sunday school, Bible study, then Faith clinic, they attend exclusive prayer meetings too.
They are as well intentional about every action they take.
9. Seasonal Attendees: These ones are not constant church goers. They only attend on special occasions such as Crossover night, Christmas service, Easter Sunday, etc.
Some only attend when there’s a program where food would be shared. You’ll often find these amongst University students. Some of them only go to churches that would share food to them on a particular Sunday.
10. The ‘make dem no say I no come’ geng: This geng of churchgoers is mainly made up of undergraduates and graduates; Youth in general who only attend after frustration. Many of them probably have their parents as deacon, pastors or holding high positions in Church. As a result, they’re usually rebuked when they do not attend church services. In order to satisfy their parents, they make efforts to attend every Sunday, make dem no say dem no come.
To which of these gengs do you belong? Let us know in the comments section.
You can also tell us about other types of Churchgoers not included here, let’s laugh out!
Oya Comment oooo… It doesn’t bite!